i really need to get back to LJing. wala lang.

so i decided to change the layout into one of the default themes. maybe, y'all will get an update from me in the future. sana.

a few minutes ago, i just got a text message from my dad saying that my tita alice just passed away. she had cancer. ironically,  we celebrated my mother's birthday. she passed away in the year 2000 because of liver cancer. she died on my lola's (her mother) birthday.

i really don't know what to say right now. i don't know whether i should cry or laugh or god-knows-what.

putangina kang mundo ko.

nice one god.

badtrip.

punyeta, ayoko na gumastos ng pera para mag-internet! ang mga network cafe pang-friends (larularo lang and shiyet)! hindi pang-update! leche! pakshet!



...tsaka ala na ako pera e...eopribmweinuyaepouyb;mak;l


haaay, may katabi pa ako na tinitignan tinatype ko. sana mabasa mo to: hindi kita i-aadd sa friendster kahit tanungin mo ko dahil pakailamera ka! mag-sama kayo ng 137 friendships mo (mas marami yung sakin, buset ka). 


delikado ang mundo kapag ang kuripot napipilitan gumastos.

looks like ang dami na nangyari sa livejournal. i really need to get to fixing my pc and getting that dsl connection.

i really need to update. will probably get to starting a complete overhaul of everything. might even make a new LJ account.

anyway, sana ok kayong lahat right now. ('',)

badtrip ako.

happiness level only due to cam and meg. thanks!

uuuurgh.

i should have happier entries.

mental note to self: less angst, more happy = less stress.

i'll be going to UP tomorrow to check if any of my final exams has been returned. sana pumasa. *mental breakdown*

for the last one and a half months, i've been going on a dvd shopping spree courtesy of the bootleg heaven that is quiapo. i think i've bought around 70 to 80 dvds since i started going there. who would have thought i'd get something good out of delivering my brother's stuff to his apartment near UST every sunday (karma karma)? gawd, i love 'em dvds. boo for our dvd player though, it has been acting up, totally screwing my dvd watching.

plug: anyway, since i finally gave in and joined this site, join it too! add me: (-jam- on last.fm). one of the better ways to find new artists to listen to when your songlist needs updating. now i need to listen to 300 tracks to find out who my *neighbors * on the site are. if you're members, just tell me and i'll add you!

now i need to get dsl. can anyone point me out to an internet provider  which has a plan cheaper than that of pldt mydsl - plan1995 (but of the same quality as mydsl or better)? help would greatly be appreciated. please please please please please!

i'm this close to giving up.

fuck it.

found some of my poems while making my policy paper in Law on Information and Computer Technology. don't get to write as much anymore. 

decided to post (or repost, i don't remember if i posted them before) so this el-jay will have entries other than "the-whole-world-is-fucked-up-why-does-this-always-happen-to-me" entries. will post my latest "the-whole-world-is-fucked-up-why-does-this-always-happen-to-me" entry after my Succession midterms.

poet in heartbreak-tango (version 1)

i never asked to be in the season of tears.
lonely heart spun-casting dream nets in search
of oceanic you:

how i saw you in the rough-slow ebbing of the tide
as a thousand thousand waves make-erase pilgrimages
across salt-sandy lands.

how i saw you through blur-patches across my vision
as dust shards rise in beat with raw-graceful dancing
of you, mind and mind’s eye.

how i saw you in the black-colorful of words
ink-drying and countless, tracing patterns
on both paper and paper-heart.


and now, it pain-bothers me that i simply can't.

poet in heartbeat-tango (version 2)

i never asked to be in the season of tears.
lonely heart spun-casting dream nets in search
of oceanic you:

how i saw you in the rough-slow ebbing of the tide
as a thousand thousand waves make-erase pilgrimages
across salt-sandy lands.

how i saw you through blur-patches across my vision
as dust shards rise in beat with raw-graceful dancing
of you, mind and mind’s eye.

how i saw you in the black-colorful of words
ink-drying and countless, tracing patterns
on both paper and paper-heart.

and i am glad that i have you and how my heart
in chorus, misses beats, in time with thoughts of you.

this season of tears is never over.
this season of tears will never end.
when lonely heart sheds tears of joy at finding you

when lonely heart sheds loneliness because
it finds its dream nets all tangled up with you.

untitled

in ordinary times
i would have said with dramatic flair
and with no fewer than three figures of speech

how i have walked here countless times,
along the sidewalk of restless love boulevard.

how i have danced this witch’s dance again and again
and yet, know not all the steps.

how one minute stormclouds seem more like preludes
to a thousand ten day rainbows at the moment

but at this point, we are past ordinary times,
so i just want to say that sometimes, i just need you.
that sometimes, i just need to watch you in your stillness
and tell you that i love how your hand fits perfectly in mine.

kapag naayos ko buhay ko, babalik ulit ako sa livejournal.

miss ko na kayo lahat.

-_-

punyeta!

been offline for almost 3 weeks i think. stupid computer had to go all blue screen on me. sayang lahat ng plano kong online for the last few weeks before school starts! i didn't get to make a website! i didn't get to make an LJ layout that's all mine! i didn't get to make my icon/pixel art LJ, i am so behind work, etc etc etc.

punyeta!

star wars!!! raaaawr! i would have watched you more than once if i could! never mind the the kid who kept raining my nape and hair with saliva - stupid coughs, irresponsible parents! one day, i will get back at you, uubuhan din kita buong movie. the force is not strong with you.

punyeta!

i want a copy of the 1st season of LOST so bad. please help me. will do anything for a copy.

punyeta!

i wasn't able to stick to my therapy and program! delayed na naman! i stuck to my eating habits though - argh, i gained some pounds na naman! note to self: i hate you jam!

punyeta!

because my pc died on me, my dad agreed to have it fixed - miracle of all miracles - i was able to salvage majority of my files and was also able to get a slight upgrade in RAM and a DVD-ROM drive (wanted a writer, a faster processor and a larger hard disk but you can't win em all). the downside is that we couldn't recover the modem driver (yes, i only have dial-up, so sad i tell you). useless useless upgraded and fixed pc!

punyeta!

i could have had the modem driver fixed but i was in a hurry to get home so i said to the mr. fix-it-all guy that i'll just download the driver when i get home. punyeta, i completely forgot that i DIDN'T have a modem driver which meant that i WON'T be able to download the modem driver. anggaling mo jam! idol! you're so smart!

punyeta!

i had the brilliant idea of using my latest norton ghost back up cds to recover my modem driver. punyeta, it was so brilliant i did it without hesitation and with much gloating. after an hour or so, i came up with two conclusions:

1. check the integrity of all the back up cds first before actually using them. be very very careful when dealing with programs that PERMANENTLY WRITE OVER stuff. stupid corrupted disk 4.
2. when you are able to salvage your files from a blue screen error, burn them on cds the very next opportunity you get. chances are you'll also get the brilliant system restore idea i had.

punyeta!

i was left with a pc half restored which basically is completely busted. AGAIN. raawr! and to think i was so proud that i consistently made back up cds of my OS and files. i finally got everything working again because i found the VERY FIRST SET of back up cds i made (which i made the day i got this pc in feb2003) - read: outdated.

punyeta!

so i finally have my modem driver fully functional and working, but i've lost all of my files again. ang saya saya! punyeta!

isang araw, magkakaroon din ako ng magandang araw - where everything would be all right and everything would go my way. God, you're long overdue.

*sigh*